ersatz copy

Piecing it together

Posted in observations by rumin8r on August 28, 2009

Life is a broken chain of unrelated events. We all have to weave a narrative to make something of it. And the narrative we weave will impact how we see ourselves, and so on down the line. We have made for ourselves a perfectly suitable (for the time being) story that helps us collapse in on ourselves and be all that we are not. And DAMN those reinforcements that come in a blaze of neuro-reward, making it so difficult to see through the thin veil into ourselves.

I’ll be damned that success is an effective trap. It is as though my imagination is turned on itself to rationalize what I’ve become. When I take a few steps back, I am still only what I am – not that idealized version of myself that makes so much of nothing. I am skeptical more than ever, due to those around me. So many brain-flooding reward-toting neurotransmitters to show me how amazing are the people I work with. I should never have let go my first impression.

Where do I go from here? Networking’s crucial flaw… when trapped, how much help are those bonds forged in the name of the world I am looking to escape? I imagine any help might be accompanied with some level of surprise and confusion as it would be help in escaping from exactly that which the helper has committed herself. Where to go?

Should we take the exit in the same manner that we stepped into the ring? It is yet so difficult to envision what alternative might lie out there. And I fancy that writing might be fulfilling – in my dreams.

What I need now more than ever is a tempurpedic. No?


Who am i kidding?

Posted in random by rumin8r on August 26, 2009

I created this, as I alluded to earlier, as a diversion, but I would really like to make it work. I have no idea what the primary focus should be. I also do not know how to gain an audience. Even one who might just read for the first time.

I also feel profoundly tired. That might be because I am blogging in bed. Oh, the wonders of mobile devices.

Curious motivation

Posted in theories by rumin8r on August 25, 2009

Ever wonder why it seems that you can always find yourself energized to do new things and go in new directions when you are procrastinating? I have a theory about this.

When you are procrastinating you are only fooling your highest level functioning. Your body, on the other hand, is still fully prepared to (hopefully) dive into the urgent task just as soon as you can decide to begin. What I find is that I can (and do) hijack this readiness and direct efforts toward some ancillary interest or task with a fervor that is fully intended for that which needs to be done.

Things to watch out for:

  • Spend-up – you blow through your available energy on the wrong task
  • Spend-down – you change focus too fully and lose needed readiness, without getting much out of the distraction
  • Spinning the wheels – you manage to focus but the keen distraction does not go away (e.g. re-reading paragraph or pages)
  • Blogging – so easy to set up and such satisfying distraction


Posted in random by rumin8r on August 25, 2009

I wanted a good forum for my ersatz intellectual writing.

What have I got for today? Call it a poem? Or an aphorism?

A plan kept is like a page unturned in the book of what could have been.