ersatz copy

Piecing it together

Posted in observations by rumin8r on August 28, 2009

Life is a broken chain of unrelated events. We all have to weave a narrative to make something of it. And the narrative we weave will impact how we see ourselves, and so on down the line. We have made for ourselves a perfectly suitable (for the time being) story that helps us collapse in on ourselves and be all that we are not. And DAMN those reinforcements that come in a blaze of neuro-reward, making it so difficult to see through the thin veil into ourselves.

I’ll be damned that success is an effective trap. It is as though my imagination is turned on itself to rationalize what I’ve become. When I take a few steps back, I am still only what I am – not that idealized version of myself that makes so much of nothing. I am skeptical more than ever, due to those around me. So many brain-flooding reward-toting neurotransmitters to show me how amazing are the people I work with. I should never have let go my first impression.

Where do I go from here? Networking’s crucial flaw… when trapped, how much help are those bonds forged in the name of the world I am looking to escape? I imagine any help might be accompanied with some level of surprise and confusion as it would be help in escaping from exactly that which the helper has committed herself. Where to go?

Should we take the exit in the same manner that we stepped into the ring? It is yet so difficult to envision what alternative might lie out there. And I fancy that writing might be fulfilling – in my dreams.

What I need now more than ever is a tempurpedic. No?

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